Education
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport

Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 10-24-99
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1999

"Let Kids Be Kids, and Other 'Behavior Problems'"

The lift on the school bus slowly lowered the twelve year old boy to ground level. As he sat in his wheel chair, his eyes were fixed on a group of kids beside the next bus. They were crouched down by the bus and carefully placing small mayonaise packets under one of the tires. The placement was strategic apparently to receive the maximum amount of mayonaise squirting in just the right direction.

When the boy in the wheel chair stopped descending, he was immediately surrounded by several adults who began unlocking, adjusting, and maneuvering his chair in such a way that they successfully blocked his view of what the other children were doing.

The boy leaned out far to the right to look around the large woman in front of him. She was asking him about the location of his medication in his backpack. Another woman was telling him not to lean, that it was making it hard to unlock the breaks on the wheelchair.

The other children continued their handi-work at the tire of the bus. The boy leaned still farther. Finally one lady in exasperation said, "Jamie, you are being difficult again today. Are we going to need to call your mother already?" He continued leaning ignoring the lady, saying "Ah, ah, ah" which was all he could communicate.

By this time the other children were standing back from the bus anticipating the results of their efforts as the bus pulled out. Jamie was wheeled past them with three ladies fussing at him. One was saying that they needed to hurry in to get ahead of the other children, so he wouldn't have to be in the crush of kids. He craned his neck again saying "ah, ah, ah" to see the other children as long as he could before they turned the corner into the building.

Jamie did not get to see the wonderful splat that the mayonaise packets made when the wheel went slowly over them. Instead he went into the building without having contact with any kids. The three teachers managed to keep it that way all day as they taught him skills supposedly to prepare him for life.

A version of this story is told by David Pitonyak, an authority on difficult behaviors. He points out that all the boy in the wheelchair wanted was to be with those children and do what they were doing - or at least watch them do it. He may be a boy in a wheelchair, but more, he is a boy who wanted to watch the mayonaise splat. What boy wouldn't?

The teachers and aides were so wound up in his physical needs and getting ready to teach him skills that they have forgotten about the everyday needs of being a boy. Pitonyak points out that skills are not what make people happy. Relationships are what make people happy, and kids with disabilities are at high risk when it comes to relationships. The biggest problem Jamie probably has is loneliness.

Jamie "exhibited some inappropriate behaviors" that day and the teachers wondered what set him off. His mother, when they inquired, said that he was fine when he left the house on the bus. Unfortunately they did not "read" Jamie's message he was sending.

According to Pitonyak "difficult behaviors result from unmet needs." These teachers, if they were worth their salt, would want to backtrack and ask themselves a few questions:

When did the difficult behavior begin?
What was going on when the behavior began?
What was going on before the behavior began?

If this was a repeat behavior they would want to ask:

Have there been periods of time when this behavior was more evident?
What was going on during those times?
Are there times when this same behavior never occurs?
Are there times during the day when this same behavior often occurs?

Hopefully with a bit of thought they might be able to solve the problem they have created by smothering Jamie. They would give him time in the morning to mix and mingle with the kids his age before school. They would make sure he attended classes with his peers and had opportunities to interact with them during any free time during the day. They would not be so preoccupied with fixing him and would be more interested in helping him live and be a boy. A good start that day would have been a momentary pause to watch the mayonaise splat.

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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: ndavenport@ticnet.com
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com