Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport

Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 06-06-99
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1999

"Party Rules Are A Must"

Most of us approach giving a birthday party with either delight or complete trepidation. We can all recall great parties, but more often the disastrous ones come to mind. I remember taking my older son, Richard to one birthday party of a new child in his class. We were fairly new to the city too, so were pleased for him to have an opportunity to get acquainted on a different level than just school.

After the two hours were up, we dutifully knocked on the door to pick him up. When our son came out the mother of the host came too. She was so gushy about how glad she was that Richard came, it was almost embarrassing. Later in the car I found out why. Richard was the only child in the class who came to the party.

I am not sure what went wrong, but my guess is that it had to do with communication and planning-not the kid. The child issued a blanket invitation to the class at school with no RSVP required. It was destined to failure.

We have had some really great parties through the years with our kids, including children of all ability levels, and have developed a pattern that always seems to work. It takes some effort though and planning.

Let it be your child's party. Ask him what kind of party he wants, and follow that as closely as possible.
Check the calendar closely for conflicts that may prevent people important to your child from coming.
Avoid sending invitations. If the number of people you are inviting is too overwhelming to call, you are inviting too many people. Response rate is terrible with invitations, and you won't have an accurate count of guests who are coming. Don't accept a "maybe" when you call. Tell them you will call back in a day to get a definite response. Have your older elementary age child do the calling himself using a script. You call back on the maybe's.
We found a nice rule of thumb was to invite approximately the number of guests for each year the child is old. Try inviting a group with no outsiders-cub scouts, soccer team, Sunday School class, neighborhood friends, Indian Guide tribe, or his school class if it is small. The point is that everyone knows everyone. There is no poor best friend from down the street who knows no one. That special person can be included in the family celebration.
When the party is at home, keep it short. An hour and a half is plenty of time through third grade. Have it in the morning when children are not cranky. Be sure to have a clearly stated end time for pick up.
ave twice as many activities planned as you think you will need.
If it is at home, each child should have a favor to take home with him. This could be a prize he has won. Just be sure everyone wins something.
If the party is away from home then the activity can suffice as a favor. For the younger kids, don't turn your back on old favorites like Go-fishing or pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. They are tried and true.
For the older kids our all-time favorite is the scavenger hunt. Adults need to accompany each group of course.

Above all keep this the child's party. After it is over, discuss what went well and why. This is very important to reinforce to him what was good about the party and how he helped. If there was a disaster, you will need to discuss it, but avoid the negative if possible. It would be great if our children developed a sense of joy of giving through entertaining others. That would certainly make the effort of the party worth it.

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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: ndavenport@ticnet.com
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com