Family
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport
Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 07-04-99
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1999
"Bonding With An 'Old Friend'"
As I grew up and through the years as an adult, I have made and kept some wonderful girl friends. I valued them greatly. Even as a child I remember having a new friendship and anticipating with great expectation when that relationship would become one of old friendship. I was impatient for that to happen knowing full well that only time would allow it to occur.
My good friends were usually about my same size, age, financial status, and had similar interests to mine. In other words, I enjoyed people just like me - kind of boring but that's the way it was then.
During one particularly lonely period of my life, junior high, my best friend was my mother. I couldn't seem to break through that barrier between new friends and old friends for a while, so my mother graciously filled the gap until I adjusted. We did everything together from going to the amusement park to watching late night movies on television.
Early college offered an abundance of opportunities for developing deep friendships because we were all far from home at a girls-only school, lonely, in love, homesick, and locked in our dorms at 10:00 every night. Girl friends from those years are still some of my best friends.
When all of us married we naturally drifted apart because our new families took precedence. The need though for close female friendship did not lessen, but the opportunity was not so easily available.
Then I noticed something. When our daughter, Liz, was born I had a completely different emotion than when our son came into the world or for that matter when I married Dick. It was not better, just different. It was akin to that feeling way back when I was a little girl and a new friendship melded into an old friendship. The difference was the feeling with Liz started off like an old friendship.
When Liz was three and I was pregnant with our second son, Austin, she and I would have weekly outings to lunch together-just the two of us. We would get all dressed up and pick a restaurant, eat lightly and share a big dessert. I knew our days were numbered because of the soon-to-come demands of a newborn. I just didn't realize how much they would be limited. When Austin was born having Down syndrome, it was as if that growing relationship between Liz and me had to be put on hold. No damage was done, thankfully, since the foundation was laid securely.
We have recommenced our little get-togethers on a grander scale since she lives on the East Coast. For the last four years since she has been out of college, she and I have made a point of spending several days together somewhere away from either of our regular stomping grounds. Just last week we stayed in a bed and breakfast in Vancouver, B.C., explored the coastal town of Port Townsend, WA,, walked a bleak, uninhabitable beach, attended a Focus on the Family Woman's conference in Seattle, Washington, drove for ten minutes from a restaurant in someone else's rental car, and shared desserts.
It is hard each time to let her go, but just like with any old friend, I know when we get back together, we can just pick up where we left off. Liz, it was great. I love you,--Mom.
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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: nancdave@swbell.net
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com