Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport

Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 02-14-99
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1999

"Put Intent on Paper For Kids"

It's hard to consider our own mortality. The consequences of our death, though, are some of the many fleeting, nagging thoughts we, parents all have had concerning our children with disabilities. Instead of worrying about it, we can do something about it: after making a will, we can compose a Letter of Intent for our children. We should compose this letter as if we the parents suddenly dropped out of the scene tomorrow. This is not a document for ten or twenty years out. Unlike a will, it is something for now that should be changed from year to year.

In this informal letter we can write down wants, hopes, and even our dreams for our children. Otherwise people who take over for us can only guess. Our wills are usually hard to understand legal documents which are not designed to reveal our hearts.

A Letter of Intent on the other hand is created just for that. It is not legal, but guardians can use it as a guideline. A court could even choose to use it to favor parents' wishes if there was a dispute. By bringing together certain information and stating clearly what we want, we will provide invaluable insight to our children's caregivers should something happen to us.

In many cases families will have to overcome some emotional hurdles before composing this document. Perhaps some families will have to come to grips for the first time that their child is truly disabled. That is a big step. Other families will have to admit after some soul searching, that their child may not be able to care for himself or herself as an adult.

Once these hurdles have been overcome, parents can get to the letter itself. It doesn't have to be fancy. It can even be a video tape, but it should contain some essential information as well as hopes and dreams. It needs to have:

The full legal name of the person by whom the letter is written
Name of the child
Everyone's social security number
Current information about parents: important dates, home and work address, phone number, etc.
Names and addresses of siblings
Child's height and weight, clothing and shoes size
Religious preference and name and address of favorite place of worship
Child's birth information:date, time, place, weight, complications
List names and addresses of special friends and other relatives and their relationship to your child
Names and addresses of Guardians
Names and addresses of Trustees of his or your estate if appropriate
Medical, vision, and dental information: medications, blood type, names of doctors
Medical and life insurance: type, amount, policy numbers, phone numbers
Therapists: names, addresses, phone numbers
Immunizations, disease history, allergies
Diet preferences
Behavior management suggestions
Housing preference:
- What you think would work well -- present and future
- What adaptations your child with disabilities would benefit from
Educational preferences:
- What is being done now
- What should be emphasized in the future
Leisure preference: suggestions for activities, vacations, fitness
Description of your basic value system
Thorough description of finances that are available for the child as well as a clear path to the paper trail of insurance policies, trusts, etc.
It should be closed with a signature.

This is an evolving letter. It is updated at least yearly. Computers are perfect for this, but it is important to keep a printed, up-to-date copy in a place that is easy to find such as with wills and trusts.

The Letter of Intent is something that we parents can do for our children that will be of immense assistance to caregivers if something happens to us. It will probably take one morning to complete it, so parents, just do it.

Thank you to NEW WAYS MAGAZINE for information in this article.

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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: ndavenport@ticnet.com
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com