Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport


Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 10-17-99
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1999


"Apprehension of Letting Go"


A few years ago a friend confided to me that her grown son, who has Down syndrome, was depressed -- not just sad, but clinically depressed. This young man is probably one of the most pleasant people I have known. He converses well, gets along with anyone, and is able to learn just about anything, given time. He had finished his course work through the Richardson schools, volunteered his time a few hours each week, and sat in his room most of the rest of the time. He had no friends, no job, no life from I could tell. Who wouldn't be depressed? I knew I did not want that happening to my son with disabilities. I wanted him out on his, fully employed - with a life.

I am not the only one of this "generation" of parents who feels that way. There is also a large number of teachers who don't want young adults they have taught ending up isolated and unemployed. We have been working hard to prepare our young people with disabilities to be employable and employed and as ready as they can be for whatever the world might throw at them or offer them. The preparation did not start when they finished high school. It began years before with the goal of getting them ready for competitive employment and independence.

We have all been teaching them the advantage of a positive attitude, independence, punctuality, dependability, and good grooming. We have taught the importance of hard work and finishing what they started--that sometimes no pain-no gain is true. We have allowed our kids to fail a little-but hopefully not too much. We have provided a safety net that gets a little smaller each year. We have learned to network with other organizations, parents, teachers, and businesses to find services and create long-term relationships for the time when we, parents are no longer around.

In other words we have done what any parent does, just on a different scale. We hope that when the young person is out on his own he will not bounce back. We hope that failures will be kept to a minimum, but we realize there are no guarantees.

I will tell you that it is difficult finally to take the step and allow an adult child with disabilities to leave home. I haven't done it yet, but we are close. I have lost more sleep lately over this than other parenting issue, and I have experienced just about all of them. It's a little bit like sending someone off to college. It's something like having a child marry. It's a lot like a scary dream with an undetermined ending.

I admit I have laid it at God's feet and taken it back many times, as if I could handle it better than He. Ha. Still, I do it. Pretty soon though I will have gather the strength and courage to leave it there and run, as I did when my other two children left home. But it will be so hard.


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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: ndavenport@ticnet.com
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com