Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport
Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 01-03-99
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1999
"Is the jar half full, when it comes to time with your kids?"
Stephen covey taught a time management seminar to a group of enthusiastic young executives.
In order to illustrate a point, Covey placed upon the table beside him a large, empty glass jar. He asked the group if they agreed with him that the jar was quite empty. They said that, yes it was.
He then brought out from under the table a box of rocks and proceeded to place the rocks carefully in the jar. He filled it to the brim and asked the group if they agreed that it was now full. They agreed.
Covey then reached down and pulled out a box of gravel and poured the contents of the entire box into the jar, shaking it down as he poured. He then turned to his class and asked if they thought it was now full.
They were on to him, though, so answered that it was probably not full. "Good," he said. Then he brought out a box of sand and poured a surprising amount into the jar right up to the brim.
"Now is it full?" he asked. Some said yes; some said no.
Covey brought out a pitcher of water and slowly poured it all into the jar.
He then asked the class what time management lesson can be learned from this. One bright young man said that it taught him that no matter how full you think your day is, if you are careful to manage your time, you could get a lot more into it.
Covey acknowledged the answer, but said that wasn't what he had in mind. He said that he wanted the group to realize that if he had not put the big rocks in first he would have never gotten them in at all.
We don't have to be business executives to benefit from this idea. It can be applied to parenting, too.
We've got to set aside time before anything else to do with our kids what is important. Otherwise we will never find the time, and the gravel, sand, and water of life will fill the time instead.
We sped our time cleaning dishes, clothes, and floors instead of listening to our children. We build a bunk bed, mow the lawn, or assemble a bicycle, but we don't go biking with our children. We correct their grammar, tell then to stand up straight, and to be nice to their siblings, but we don't show them about our own faith.
Happily, it is never too late to start anew, and what better time to re-evaluate how we fill our own jar then at the beginning of a new year. Instead of a jar to fill, we could make a list of what are the most important things we want to teach our children before they leave our house for good.
My guess is that many things on the list will be intangibles - such as teaching them to be people of integrity, people of faith, and people what are good friends. The activities which encourage those attributes are the rocks that should go in our parenting jar before anything else.
Many of us busy, detail-oriented people will have to work hard not to allow the gravel, sand, and water to get in there first. If those rocks really are that important, we'll never miss the fillers for which there was no room.
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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: ndavenport@ticnet.com
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com