Family
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport
Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 08-01-99
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1999
"Moving Out"
My son, Austin and I cruised by the duplex as if we were casing it for a
burglary. The For Sale sign had been in the ground clearly for some time.
"I don't like the big tree in the front yard, or the one I can see in the
back," he commented. I told him that was what I loved the most about the
place. "You won't be the one mowing and raking, Mom." Good point.
I realized though that if those trees were the only things that Austin did not
like about what was ahead for him, he would be fortunate.
My husband, Dick, and I have decided that Austin, in spite of having Down
syndrome, is capable of living on his own with some accommodations. We looked
into what the city had to offer for people with disabilities and concluded that
none of their services for housing had Austin's name on it. It was clear that
what he was going to get is what we worked out for him. We were sure also there
were still other services for people with disabilities which he could use.
We considered apartment complexes. They would be good because there would be
lots of people around with whom he could make friends. He is one of these
people who has to have people around. Apartment complexes could be bad for the
same reason - the wrong kind of people with wrong motivations of friendship.
They could be good because perhaps there could be another apartment or two
nearby with other young people with like-disabilities. Perhaps we parents could
get together and hire a nice young couple to offer some supervision and advice.
It turns out that some services in the area for people with disabilities
already have something like this going. In many cases though in order to get
the services people are assigned to live with you according to where one is on
a waiting list. I don't see how that could work for anybody. Would anyone else
put up with that? Why should people with disabilities?
Then we considered a house with many bedrooms. Austin could live there with a
roommate or two, They could segregate an area for someone who does not have
disabilities to live too who could keep an eye on things. They could all watch
out for each other, share the kitchen, the yard, etc.
But to allow the maximum amount of independence which we think Austin could
tolerate with some supervision, we came up with the duplex. Austin already is
familiar with our area, and said he would like to live around here. We
contacted a friend who was a real estate agent, and because of the wonders of
computers, quickly had a list of available duplexes in the area.
At that point we came up with another important criteria or two. We wanted
Austin to be able to walk easily to just about everything that he
needed-grocery store, pharmacy, barber, cleaners, restaurants, book store,
exercise gym, video rental, bank church, and movie theater. The last item and
probably the most important in Austin's eyes had to be scrapped. Theaters are
no longer near where anyone lives-with few exceptions. Some theater parking
lots are so large that the back of the parking lot can barely be considered
walking distance to the theater. Another major criteria was that the duplex be
on a good bus line which could get him easily anywhere he wants to go
(especially to our house-this is my own item on the list).
Well, I think we found the duplex. For now, we will probably just buy it and
own it and rent it out. We will continue working on Austin's independent living
skills (and our own attitude adjustment to his independence). Once the location
of his residence is known, I think it will make it easier to teach the reality
of cooking and cleaning, shopping and planning. We have told him that he cannot
live independently until he has a full time job with benefits. I don't think
that is an unrealistic goal for the next year. It certainly is what the
Transition group which works with Austin in the Richardson ISD wants for him
and is striving for him to have. I think he'll be ready. I do have to wonder if
Dick and I will ever really be ready.
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