Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport
Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 10-30-94
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1994
Rebellion needs to be discussed with kids
I have contact through my volunteer work with many, many young people from all types of households. I have seen adolescent rebellion in all forms from running away from home to steely-eyed passive aggressive activities. Many of these kids seem bent on finding the exact bell that will ring their parents' nerves into oblivion. Of course mixed up with these clangings are desperate attempts to be accepted by peers.
Kids sometimes are willing to go to any length to acquire that acceptance or to distance themselves from their family. That desire is exacerbated when they have problems in family relationships. These differences are often caused by vulnerable parents who are too quick to resent a child's natural tendency to try to pull away from their authority as the child moves into adolescence.
Some popular yet sometimes extreme ways to express this rebellion through the generations have been: distinctly different hair and clothing styles, music, alcohol abuse, premarital sex, gangs, or apathy toward education. In more recent years they have added drug experimentation. Now there's a new one among isolated groups, especially the "new wavers" around the city, at least it is new to me. That is experimentation in homosexual relationships.
Apparently, as with other forms of rebellion, the kids do not or will not acknowledge the possible consequences of their actions. They see it as a group -- a gang -- a club -- a clique -- that accepts them. Or they see it as a new original way to show their independence from their parents' authority.
This is not an article on the pro's and con's of homosexuality. This is about kids. I am concerned that some are wading in at age thirteen or fourteen (with much credit to the entertainment industry) too deep, once again, into "grown up" areas, and they are drowning.
We need to talk to our kids about this -- ask them what they think, how do they feel about it. And we need to listen to our kids. For many parents it will be tempting to fall into a preachy, judgmental trap that seems to drive so many young people into deeper forms of rebellion. Preaching has been counter-productive in talking about drinking, drugs, and other forms of rebellion. It will be wasted breath on this subject too.
We can't expect the schools to develop a curriculum. (I am sure some school district somewhere has tried it, but somehow I don't see Richardson ISD coming up with one in this lifetime, and it shouldn't.) We can't afford to wait for our teenager to bring up the subject either. It's up to us as parents. If we are "too uncomfortable talking about such things" with our child, we are probably the very parent who needs most to broach the subject. We don't have to have all or even some of the answers. We just need to be open to discussion so they can try their views and concerns out on us. We might even be asked for our opinion. If we leave more doors of communication open we may not have so much rebellion with which parents are dealing today. So let's go for it. Let's talk. Let's listen.
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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: nancdave@swbell.net
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com