Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport

Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 07-31-94
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 1994

Letting go shows who are great parents
GOOD parents often have trouble letting go of their children. It's the GREAT parents who succeed in doing it gracefully. We parents of kids with disabilities have more trouble than most knowing when and how to let go. We say it isn't easy for us because each child's needs are so varied and each parent's expectations are so different. Other parents say we don't have the monopoly on that. It's hard for them too, whether it's letting kids go to pre-school, first grade, summer camp, or college.

One parent, whose name has been lost, put together some guidelines -- clearly from experience. Here is my modified version of that list.

TO LET GO DOES NOT MEAN TO

Stop caring
Cut myself off
To enable
To change or blame another
To judge
To be in the middle of arranging all outcomes
To be protective
To deny
To nag, scold, or argue
To adjust everything to my desires
To criticize or regulate
To regret the past

INSTEAD, LETTING GO MEANS

To realize I can't do everything for someone else
To understand the injustice of continuing to control another when there is no need
To allow my child to learn from natural consequences
To know some outcomes are not in my hands
To step out of the way of my child making the most of himself
To be supportive
To allow another to be human
To allow others to affect my child's destiny
To permit my child to face reality
To let my child search out his own shortcomings and correct them or accept them
To not criticize and regulate anybody
To let my child become what he dreams he can be
To accept
To take each day as it comes
To grow and live for the future
To be fearless
To love more.

This was written for and about parents of kids with disabilities, but clearly it can help all parents -- the good ones and the great ones.

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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: nancdave@swbell.net
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com