Family
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport

"What About Grandparents?"

We’ve been through Mother’s Day and this month we have Father’s Day. Although we know who really invented these events of celebration, let’s ease past that and make something good of a greedy intent. We can’t buy anything anyway for the group I want to salute. They only want handmade personalized treasures that they can put on their refrigerator or squirrel away in their top dresser drawer.

I’m talking about grandparents.

What would we do without them? Or a better question: who would our children be if it weren’t for them? They are the only people who truly see our children as we would like them to be seen—perfect and without blemish. They are blind to anything except what the grandchildren do right and well. They come to the piano recitals and have the insight to declare as outstanding the very composition our child likes the best.

They see clearly our child’s athletic prowess that is actually only our dream and congratulate him on the risky slide he made at second base, the same one the coach yelled about. Grandparents don’t ever seem to notice the wrong notes and bad phrasing or that our child was put out twice at first base.

I had a long phone conversation the other day with a grandmother. Her grandson was born with a developmental difference that often overwhelmed the entire family. She called it a double whammy because she is as concerned for her daughter as she is for her grandson. She finds herself one day worrying about her daughter’s well-being because of the strain, and the next day concerned only for her grandson. In our conversation, it was not too hard for her to switch into a healthy but typical grandmother mode even in her difficult circumstances.

“My grandson is such a trooper,” she began. “After his surgery, he was up and going, amazing all the nurses. Not one word of complaint. And he eats like a horse now.”

She went on to describe her grandson’s artistic abilities as well as his progress in learning language. She took her grandson exactly where he is, loved him for it, and stood amazed that he could actually progress more. After all, what she saw was already so extraordinary. She has discovered early on what we parents sometimes take years to figure out, if we ever do. That is, kids thrive on our accepting them just as they are. Grandparents of children with disabilities are particularly adept at that.

We parents have the responsibility of making sure our kids eat well, pronounce words correctly, learn to use the toilet, get enough sleep, be polite, behave, and try hard. We find ourselves being teachers, parents, friends, and policemen. Our role is muddled, our kids get frustrated, and we all get testy. Then the grandparents come by for a trip to the park. Their role is unadulterated acceptance, and we have well-adjusted children in spite of ourselves.

So I would like to salute the grandparents for doing their job well. We would all not be the people we are without them.

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Nancy Lambert Davenport>
EMAIL: nancdave@swbell.net
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com