Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport


Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 08-13-00
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 2000


"Wandering feet make for panic in the streets: Hanging on to kids a 'lost' art"


Both my sons were wanderers and explorers when they were young children. The moment they had the opportunity, they bolted.

I don't believe it was a rebellious action on their part. They just had more interesting things to do and see than I was offering at the moment.

I remember when Austin, my son with Down syndrome went exploring while I was paying my bill at a hospital to leave.

He was only 6 years old, but his stride exuded confidence and managed to take him up four floors on the elevator and through several double doors that he would have required help to open.

I finally stopped in the cancer ward, where he was found amusing patients. In the meantime, I managed to have the hospital locked down for 45 minutes before someone found him and called us.

My other son left my side while I was in a department store when he was about four. He was fascinated with elevators and got on one all alone.

Fortunately, when the door re-opened two floors up, a security guard was standing waiting to get on and found my son doing dances in front of the mirror. He swooped him up and waited for the hysterical mother to call security--which I did.

Each time, I felt as if I were such a horrible, neglectful mother - incompetent in every way. In fact, I felt that way for years until I did some research that showed that I was clearly not alone with my problem of wanderers.

Kids with Down syndrome wander. (I have no excuse for my other son. Perhaps I was incompetent.)

Parents across the years have put their heads together and come up with various ideas on how to cope with wandering kids with Down syndrome. None of them is perfect, but applied diligently, some of these suggestions may allow parents to relax a bit more. A comfort is that this wandering seems to stop around puberty.

First, try to outthink your child with fences and locks and walls. Be careful what kind, though. Austin locked me in his room one time after had installed a lock on his door.

Next, talk to him or her about boundaries. Make sure they are clear and consistent. Keep talking, for years if necessary, until he or she finally understands.

Use alarms and monitors and intercoms unabashedly. When traveling, carry a portable alarm with you. You can get them anywhere they carry alarm equipment. It attaches to the hotel door. Talk to hotel clerks about the potential of your child's wandering.

Establish a good "lost child" policy at your child's school. Many schools are so near busy streets that you cannot afford to have him or her wandering for very long.

One school I heard about has a "lost child" alert which pre-assigns teachers to search in specific one minute after an alert was announced over the PA system. Their policy was to call 911 after that minute was up.

Provide. your child with an ID bracelet or necklace.

Notify local police about your wanderer in the same way you would tell them about your mother who has Alzheimer's and lives with you. Don't hesitate to tell local children and adults in your neighborhood that if they see your child wandering alone to stop him and to notify you.

The most important item on the list, though, is to begin teaching your child boundaries.

There is no reason for him or her to continue to be untrustworthy into adulthood. Systematically teach him or her limits and boundaries.

There are great books available for children, which teach the importance of safety.

An incentive program might help, too. Three checks on a sheet "for telling Mom that I went outside" go a long way with the right reward. Post stop signs on the doors to the outside to help the kids remember to tell you first before going outside.

This problem does not have to be overwhelming. It can be controlled with time and effort and patience.

A couple of books that might help are I'm Lost by Elizabeth Crary (Parenting Press, Inc. 1996) and I'm Am Lost by Hans Welhelm (Scholastic, Inc. 1997).

You can order IDs on the Internet at www.kids-id.com or www.safetysportid.com.

Disability Solutions, vol. 4.3, was a source of information for this article.



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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: nancdave@swbell.net
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com