Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport
Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 06-18-00
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 2000
"All fathers are not alike; neither are their children
[Please note that neither cummings' name nor his poetry has any capitalization or punctuation.]
Relationships with fathers do not have duplicates. Even siblings are not on the same page when it comes to connecting with the same father. I had a rather formal relationship with my father while my brother seemed to have the more traditional one of locked horns. One of my closest friends was full of hate for hers; another considered her father her best friend.
Poet e e cummings not surprisingly had a unique and admiring view of his father:
my father moved through dooms of love
through sames of am through haves to give
singing each morning out of each night
my father moved through depths of height
His feelings toward his father remind me of those of some children with disabilities toward their fathers. Their feelings are deep and complicated, and like others outside the world of disabilities, their relationships vary as much as in any other group of families.
For instance, our family friend, Jenny, calls her father by his first name. Of course she also called the principal of her school by his first name.
She and her dad, even in adulthood, most of the time have the easy friendship of "buds" as she calls it. The exception is on the days she announces that she is getting a divorce from her parents.
Our friend, John on the other hand with severe ADD, looked to his father for everything since his mother left and his grandmother died. Unfortunately he found little. His dad was too wound up in his own needs to be able to meet his son's. Fortunately men at his church filled in part of the gap.
I remember little Hallie smiling at her dad with all her might to get his attention and his approval. He spent all his spare time though on the internet and on the telephone trying to connect with others who might have an answer or a cure for Hallie's disability. It was a noble cause, but in the course of those efforts he missed out on all Hallie had to offer.
Bob Dale, a chapter contributor in the book "Uncommon Fathers" by Donald J. Meyer, said that his daughter Jessica who had untreated spinal meningitis in infancy, "has taught me what true love is. Poets and preachers, young lovers, and idealists have professed a knowledge of this elusive concept for years. But in Jessica's silence, I have learned the real essence of love: you give everything and expect nothing in return."
The fathers who figure that out are the ones who receive the rewards. The world keeps going because of them and those who strive to be like them, so we are grateful. To all those uncommon fathers and the ordinary ones, Happy Fathers' Day and our thanks.
Return to
Top of Page
Return to
Table of Contents
Return to Home Page
Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: nancdave@swbell.net
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com