Faith
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport

Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 04-30-00
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 2000

"Children learn lifetime skills from parents"

We are on the count down toward high school graduation once again. Kids all over the area smell the water and are chomping on the bit. Teachers are doing everything they can to continue a semblance of teaching and learning in order to prevent a stampede.

It is nice to consider that most of these students' parents have given them so much throughout their childhood and now are ready to send them off. It won't be long before the only thing left the parents can do for their children is pray.

I have kids of my own now who have been out in the world for some time. I not only helped them go through the process toward independence but I also observed their friends. In addition I have watched year after year countless young people leave the nest through my volunteer work. Quite a few of them appear to make it in the world without effort. Others seem to specialize in "making poor decisions" or "not looking before they leap" or "putting the cart before the horse." The image I conjure up when I think of this latter group of kids is a robot that blindly goes and goes until it bashes into a wall then automatically turns around and barrels in the opposite direction until it bashes into another wall.

Some of these kids, I have concluded, were simply born this way. There was nothing their parents could have done to have them turn out differently. They were destined to learn every lesson through painful ordeal after painful ordeal. We all have known kids like that. Maybe one used to live at your house or still does.

Many others could have had life easier, though, with more guidance from parents, grandparents, or mentors. These are the ones, if they are still hanging around the nest, we may be able to help. It's never too late to try but the earlier we start the better. Here are a few suggestions.

Remember that once that young person is in the job market, no one is going to care that he had excellent grades or graduated from an exclusive college. Those may get him his job, but they won't keep him there. The things that are going to keep him in his job is that he knows to come to work on time and every single day, that he finishes what he starts, does what he is told and then some, works steadily, doesn't complain, is clean and neat and pleasant to be around. A good work ethic is not something taught in college. It is learned at home from parents who daily reinforce those standards.
A good work ethic is important, but hand in hand with that is having good organizational skills. I have concluded that just as some people are born to bash their heads against the walls of society, there are people who are born naturally messy. That does not mean, though, that they cannot learn the basics of taking care of their things and their activities just as someone can learn the basic skills of drawing without having any gift that way. Basic organization can be learned. Parents can teach early that if you get it out, you put it back. If you make a mess, you clean it up. There is a place for everything; put it there. Kids can learn that everyone helps in a household and does his or her share. There are no free rides. It is not fair to any child to be coddled into thinking he cannot overcome his natural tendency toward chaos.
In addition to having a good work ethic and learned basic organizational skills, we have to be careful not to send a child into the world caring so much more about himself than others that he alienates himself. Once again this is something not usually taught in school but in a nurturing home. Parents can teach kids simple keys to understanding other people - that many people are leading lives of desperate loneliness, that accepting someone just as he is will make a friend for life, and that relationships are strong because we willing give, expecting nothing in return.
Being able to have relationships with people is good but I cannot imagine sending a child out into this world without faith through a personal relationship with God. As the outside world gets more and more rabid, the need for the "faith of our fathers" is more and more evident. Teach it early; teach it daily. "Teach them [the Word of God] to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road an when you lie down and when you rise up." (Deut. 11:19).

It's never too late to start teaching any of this now. Then when you have run out of time, continue to pray.

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Nancy Lambert Davenport
EMAIL: ndavenport@ticnet.com
URL: http://www.nancyldavenport.com