Education
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport
Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 01-23-00
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 2000
"Some students not ready for 4-year college;
I ran into a young woman recently who graduated from high school with my son in
1998. Erin (not her real name) was one of those cheery kids whom everyone
liked-teachers and students equally. She always had a smile on her face and was
consistently accepting of my son with disabilities, so was deemed a favorite of
mine. Apparently she was a borderline student and also never turned down an
opportunity to socialize. In fact the latter was clearly a priority in her
life. She immersed herself in several social activities in the high school-was
a leader when it came to that.
Erin went off in the fall of 1998 to a small private school with high hopes and
great anticipation. She signed up for all the usual social activities she to
which she had become accustomed at Lake Highlands, plus some. Her time was her
own. She struggled through the first semester, was on scholastic probation the
second, and was asked not to return the next fall. She is now in her second
semester at a community college here and pulling herself together.
It's a tough learning process, those steps toward independence. At the risk of
sounding like an old fogy, going away to college is not the same as it was when
my generation went away to school. We had rules, curfews, and limits. Ask any
kid who struggles now. He or she will tell you that without a doubt his
problems stem back to poor management of his time. He may stay up too late and
sleep through classes; she may choose to go to a party when she should be
studying; he may take on too many outside activities; she may not take time to
eat properly, or manage her money, or visit a professor about questions she
has.
On the other hand, students who learned the discipline of time management while
they were still in high school CAN succeed away at school even if they are not
top notch students. These are the kids who, while still in high school, can get
up and get to class on their own, have excellent attendance, keep their grades
up to at least a B average, not get into trouble with authorities (We fool
ourselves if we think sending a kid away to college will straighten him out.),
budget their money, and fulfill any commitments they make. If they cannot do
even one of these, they are candidates for finding themselves back at home
after one year, like Erin, licking their wounds with their tails between their
legs.
There is huge pressure especially in our school district to send kids away to
college right out of high school. Some families see it as a social eliteness or
a rite of passage. Many kids simply are not ready.
What parents misunderstand is that just because a student is accepted in a four
year college does not mean he will succeed there. From my list above, except
for the grades, college entrance requirements don't examine those other skills necessary
for success. Grades and tests are not enough. Parents have to be a part of the
decision of readiness. To have kids be ready, early on - years before --
parents should set the standards for a child to be able to go away to college.
If the standards are not reached, kids do not need to be berated. They will
simply suffer the natural consequences of choosing not to adopt some skills
necessary for college. In some cases they may have been slower to mature all
along. Parents should not be afraid to say, "no, you are not ready for
college away from home."
It is a given that kids will not agree with that judgment at the time, but
there is good news. We have an excellent community college system in the
metroplex. One or two good years in it right out of high school will serve many
of these borderline students much better than one bad year at a four year
school accompanied by feelings of failure or embarrassment followed by at least
a year or two of recovery.
Erin would have done well with a year at Richland before marching off to a four
year school. She would have gained confidence academically, gotten grounded
financially, and gained new perspectives socially. It is something to think
about for many families in our area so that their children are prepared for
four year college away from home. This is the time to make those decisions,
before it is too late.
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