Parenting
Perspectives on Parenting©
by Nancy Lambert Davenport
Nancy Davenport's Column:
For Richardson News 01-16-00
Copyright Nancy Lambert Davenport 2000
"Firstborn Off to School"
All over the area young families are looking with trepidation, with
anticipation, and with hesitation at their neighborhood elementary school.
Until this year it has been that noisy building down the street to which all
the older school children of the neighborhood disappear for a number of hours
each day. Now though some families are seeing that same school from a new
perspective. Their children are going to turn five years of age before
September 1, so are eligible for kindergarten in the Fall. Their children are
now going to become a part of "those children."
I think I can safely make the generalization that across the board parents of
firstborns think of their children as clearly superior to the other children
they see going to the neighborhood school. From the point of view of these
parents, their children are definitely more mature socially, a cut above
physically, and miles beyond other children academically. No parents will go so
far as to admit their children will be slumming when they enter that first day,
but clearly they are diversifying sphere of acquaintances. That is just the way
of thinking by parents of firstborns.
Within this group is a sub-group--parents of firstborn kids with disabilities.
Parents of firstborn kids with regular needs are challenging to be around, but
parents of firstborn kids with disabilities are impossible. They want things to
happen. They want them be done smoothly. They want them done now. These are not
bad goals actually. Parents of kids with regular needs might take note.
The key is that parents of kids with disabilities create individual education
plans before their children set foot in the classroom. These plans are designed
by committee, of which the parents are an integral part, well before the first
day of school. If done correctly much blood and sweat go into their creation,
contributed by caring teachers, but especially by traumatized parents.
A parent who is in this spot asked me for words of wisdom. Here are a few
suggestion I have:
Concentrate on having good realistic short-term (one year) goals. It's hard not
to look far down the road and get a little discouraged with what the schools
offer or don't offer. Looking too far ahead is futile because things change.
Take care of your child first, then take on the establishment for the sake of
other kids if you have time and energy.
Expect full inclusion of your child in kindergarten. This is when your child
learns alongside the other children, with his work being modified. It is being
done successfully all over the country. Accept nothing less. With inclusion,
there is no term "he is not ready."
You will find that successful inclusion will be directly related to the
enthusiasm and abilities of both the individual teacher and the principal.
Take a friend who knows the ropes with you to the planning meeting.
It will never be perfect. Pick your battle. Prioritize.
Don't fall into the trap of thinking you cannot criticize or be assertive
because "they will take it out on my child." That is a myth and just
an excuse for wimpy parents not standing up for what is right for their child.
Do not to get into an adversarial relationship with school people. It doesn't
accomplish anything. Work with those responsible for your child. If you can't,
then home school for a year. They will have to do much testing. Ignore the
results-good or bad. There is no test that measures your kids' abilities
accurately.
Don't cry at the planning meeting. It's hard not to because for some reason it
can be very emotional. Very seldom do the people at the planning meeting have
the skills to be completely positive and upbeat. It's okay to cry when you get
home.
Get a copy of "It's a Great Idea!" from the Arc of Dallas. Learn it
inside out. You can read it online at www.arcdallas.org or order
a copy from them for $10.
Above all else get over quickly the fact that your kindergartner with
disabilities is in school with "all those other kids" Those are the
same kids who will teach him what is cool throughout elementary school, learn
along side him in junior high, eat lunch with him in high school, and work
along side him when he is grown.
And for those parents of kids without disabilities who are entering
kindergarten, rejoice if your child has someone with disabilities in his class.
You cannot imagine how much that child has to teach those around him about
life.
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